i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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