Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
