I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
