So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
