i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
