sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
