Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't turn off my feet"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
