Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
