we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
