I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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