I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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