I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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