He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
