Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
