filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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