I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
