Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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