Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
