Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
