yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
