what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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