walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
no, he came in my armpit
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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