We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
