The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
