does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
