i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
