Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm passing your future prison.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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