Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
