i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
