Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I want her autograph on my taint
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
