it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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