hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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