whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
