I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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