When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
