so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
