Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am one with the molecules
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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