I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
