Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
