i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
