It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
