i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
