Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
