someone threw a dead crab at me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
