i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
