People in love make me want to vomit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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