I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
