you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
