omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
