dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
