Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
