we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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