capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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