He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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