sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
