youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
