i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
