how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
