How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My underwear smells like fireworks.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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